Funny Poker Jokes

Best Funny Racist Jokes. Great collection of short funny racist jokes about black people, Asians, Jews, Mexicans, the Chinese and even white people. Dec 4, 2015 - When the chips are down, sometimes you just have to laugh. See more ideas about poker, jokes, laugh.

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There is nothing quite like being around a poker table for funny or surreal moments. The worst incident I can remember witnessing was when a player tried to fight with the dealer who, when push came to shove (and it almost did!), was not totally against the idea of fighting it out. Most of the time though, things are more cordial, and clever quips and banter which are taken as a joke rather than an act of war, are the extent of the action apart from the poker itself.

Picking out my favorite quips and one-liners I must start with Phil Hellmuth, that shy, retiring poker player who has a fantastic ability to be self-deprecating. Ok, so I'm being glib, he loves himself and is proud of his amazing achievements in poker. I love the guy and so does everyone else, but one of this best ever quotes was as follows, when he was struggling in a poker tournament.

Brilliantly, he really believes that too. There are tons of Phil Hellmuth jokes around, here is my favorite one of the many out there:

I also remember a quip made in a tournament when I played in at my local casino. In general, the play was not that great because the structure sucked and the prize pool was small. Two opponents battled it out in a hand that, from what I could see, neither played particularly badly. The hand was won and the player who lost was left frustrated. He turned to the rest of the table and came out with this gem.

Even the player he referred to laughed at this.

In the same game a player joined late, to the apparent surprise of the rest of the players who clearly knew him but had not seen him for some time. 'I thought you'd stopped playing poker?' One asked. 'No.' said the prodigal poker player. 'I just took a break.' Another player said:

Funny Poker Jokes Humor

The returning player laughed:

Funny Poker Jokes

I enjoyed that one too, so did the rest of the table.

I found a great joke from the legendary Benny Binion, who played out a successful career in poker at a time when robberies and cheating were commonplace. He is famous for saying:

It reminds me of the saying that in politics, if you want a friend, you should get a dog. Like me I'm sure you find most people very friendly at the poker tables. But always cut the cards, as Benny recommends.

Sometimes we hear a one-liner or a joke and wish that we invented it ourselves. Often we steal the joke anyway and I admit that on this occasion, different to the last game, I overheard this one-liner between two players who kept us entertained for hours with their back and forth verbal banter. The pick of the bunch was:

Another great moment was during a local tournament that had dragged into the early hours of the morning. One of the players mobile phones starting ringing. He looked at his phone and said, 'It's the wife.' He answered the call. 'Hello? (Pause) Yes, I'm still here. (Pause) It's 2.00am. (Longer pause) She's gone.' He put his phone away. Thinking about the question she must have asked (i.e. What time do you call this?) we all admired his bravery in giving the actual time at which point she clearly hung up. When he busted he said 'I'm off to face the music.' After he left, the remaining players commented on both his bravery and whether he would be able to get into the house when he arrived at home! It was probably bolted shut.

I cannot take credit for this one and perhaps this is for the best. I found this searching for funny poker stories online. It was posted in 2008 by 2+2 user 'TheBeatlesWon'. Here it is!

'This actually happened at the table a couple years ago:

I was playing poker in the Casino Windsor poker room. The guy next to me just found out it was my 19th birthday. My sister (23 at the time) was also playing in the room, and she walked past my table to go to the bathroom right about the same time this guy found out it was my birthday.

Guy: 'How'd you like for that to be your 19th birthday present?'

Me: 'That's my sister.' The whole table died for 10 mins, guy was incredibly embarrassed..hilarious.'

This reminds me of when two truck drivers (always male) are driving down the road and see an attractive young woman and one says 'Wow, look at her.' The other says 'That's my daughter!' In a poker context that's a great story and it actually happened too! Poor 'TheBeatlesWon'.

I've seen this joke a few times but it reminds me of a time at the end of the tournament where one of the regulars in my local casino won a tournament and had a big cash win. There was a line of creditors that he owed money to wanting a piece of his winnings. Eventually everyone got something, I let them sort it out and stayed out of the way, but when all was said and done the winning player was left with little, if any, of his winnings.

Here is the story in joke form, it's one of my favorites, supposedly when a WSOP winner is interviewed following capturing the treasured bracelet.

Brilliantly, he really believes that too. There are tons of Phil Hellmuth jokes around, here is my favorite one of the many out there:

I also remember a quip made in a tournament when I played in at my local casino. In general, the play was not that great because the structure sucked and the prize pool was small. Two opponents battled it out in a hand that, from what I could see, neither played particularly badly. The hand was won and the player who lost was left frustrated. He turned to the rest of the table and came out with this gem.

Even the player he referred to laughed at this.

In the same game a player joined late, to the apparent surprise of the rest of the players who clearly knew him but had not seen him for some time. 'I thought you'd stopped playing poker?' One asked. 'No.' said the prodigal poker player. 'I just took a break.' Another player said:

Funny Poker Jokes Humor

The returning player laughed:

Funny Poker Jokes

I enjoyed that one too, so did the rest of the table.

I found a great joke from the legendary Benny Binion, who played out a successful career in poker at a time when robberies and cheating were commonplace. He is famous for saying:

It reminds me of the saying that in politics, if you want a friend, you should get a dog. Like me I'm sure you find most people very friendly at the poker tables. But always cut the cards, as Benny recommends.

Sometimes we hear a one-liner or a joke and wish that we invented it ourselves. Often we steal the joke anyway and I admit that on this occasion, different to the last game, I overheard this one-liner between two players who kept us entertained for hours with their back and forth verbal banter. The pick of the bunch was:

Another great moment was during a local tournament that had dragged into the early hours of the morning. One of the players mobile phones starting ringing. He looked at his phone and said, 'It's the wife.' He answered the call. 'Hello? (Pause) Yes, I'm still here. (Pause) It's 2.00am. (Longer pause) She's gone.' He put his phone away. Thinking about the question she must have asked (i.e. What time do you call this?) we all admired his bravery in giving the actual time at which point she clearly hung up. When he busted he said 'I'm off to face the music.' After he left, the remaining players commented on both his bravery and whether he would be able to get into the house when he arrived at home! It was probably bolted shut.

I cannot take credit for this one and perhaps this is for the best. I found this searching for funny poker stories online. It was posted in 2008 by 2+2 user 'TheBeatlesWon'. Here it is!

'This actually happened at the table a couple years ago:

I was playing poker in the Casino Windsor poker room. The guy next to me just found out it was my 19th birthday. My sister (23 at the time) was also playing in the room, and she walked past my table to go to the bathroom right about the same time this guy found out it was my birthday.

Guy: 'How'd you like for that to be your 19th birthday present?'

Me: 'That's my sister.' The whole table died for 10 mins, guy was incredibly embarrassed..hilarious.'

This reminds me of when two truck drivers (always male) are driving down the road and see an attractive young woman and one says 'Wow, look at her.' The other says 'That's my daughter!' In a poker context that's a great story and it actually happened too! Poor 'TheBeatlesWon'.

I've seen this joke a few times but it reminds me of a time at the end of the tournament where one of the regulars in my local casino won a tournament and had a big cash win. There was a line of creditors that he owed money to wanting a piece of his winnings. Eventually everyone got something, I let them sort it out and stayed out of the way, but when all was said and done the winning player was left with little, if any, of his winnings.

Here is the story in joke form, it's one of my favorites, supposedly when a WSOP winner is interviewed following capturing the treasured bracelet.

Journo: 'What will you do with the winnings?

Pro: 'I will pay off some creditors first.'

Journo: Schluter shower slot drain. 'Cool. What will you do with the rest?

Pro: 'They will just have to wait!'

Slot trucchi sahara poker. What's your best one liner or funny poker story? Tell us below or on PokerTube's Facebook page.